Shuffle

Two steps forward, one step back as the old saying goes. Life feels a lot like that. Sometimes it feels like one step forward two steps back. My career has often felt like one step forward, three steps back. I’m practiced in the art of self- sabotage.

The thing is, these thoughts come from a place of doubt. Of fear. And from a notion of what success looks like – what FORWARD looks like. Does it mean more money, being in charge. Or does it mean doing something closer and closer to being in alignment with who you really are on the inside.

Tough stuff.

Two sutras today.

29. Tatya pratyak cetanadhigamo pyantarayabhava ca. From this all the obstacles disappear and simultaneously dawns knowledge of the inner self.

What obstacles you ask? Well, ask no more.

30. Vyadhi styana samsaya pramadalasyavirati bhrantidarsanalabdhabumikatvanavasthitatvani cittavitkepaste ntarayah. Disease, dullness, doubt, carelessness, laziness, sensuality, false perception, failure to reach firm ground and slipping from the ground gained — these distractions of the mindstuff are the obstacles.

So much here. The only option is to practice. And to keep a piece of you that has a beginner mind. Because as Patanjali says, beginners practice with fervor and then, as time wears, they lose their fervor and sometimes lose all spiritual gains.

But are they lost? Or is it just a phase of critical thought. Of necessary questioning before a leveling up in faith.

Who is to say. And while critical thought is good. It’s only with a beginner mind – uncolored and humble – that we can really feel our true selves.