Life Lessons

I’m listening to some dreamy, stardust strewn indie rock music. I turned it on to tune out the sounds of arguing voices outside the window, the conflict, the fear, the anger, I needed a tool to keep them out. I could shut my window, but then I also lose the feeling of the cool night air brushing against my skin like a kiss as I find a hug inside a light blanket, a moment of safety and a sensation of home on a tattered couch contemplating the yoga sutras.

How do we do that? Block out the bad stuff without also blocking out the good? How do we remain alive and joyful without the opposite, without the suffering. Suffering can’t be blocked out, the good and the bad come together, my music tonight is just masking the suffering, it’s still out there.

But if we experience life in a state of stress and despair, that too serves as a block, like the window, except you are blocking out all the good as well.

Sutra 31. Dukha daurmanasyangamejayatva svasa prasvasa viksepa sahabhuvah. Accompaniment to the mental distractions includes distress, despair, trembling of the body and disturbed breathing.

We lose our focus. The suffering is always there. But so is the joy. The love. How do we focus?

Sutra 32. Tat pratisedharthamekatattvabhyasah. The practice of concentration on a single subject is the best way to prevent the obstacles and their accompaniments.

Although we are all one, we are not all the same. My way to get to the goal might be different than yours, but the goal, not the path is what’s important.

And the path, well, it can be easy to get off course. Even if you chose it. Even if it spoke to you. There’s a lot of noise in this world. A lot of people arguing outside the window.

Satschidananda’s commentary really spoke to me here: “There’s no value in digging shallow wells in a hundred places. Decide on one place and dig deep. Even if you encounter a rock, use dynamite and keep going down. If you leave that to dig another well, all the first effort is wasted. Before you start digging, analyze and find out which spot is good. Then once you decide and begin, you should not question it further…”

I know he’s talking about meditation and paths to enlightenment, but I went ahead and thought about the chaos that is my life, about all the shallow wells I’ve dug trying to figure out who I am and what I should be and where I should be in the world. All the self doubt and the starting over. Again. And Again. And Again.

Now, I think there isn’t a direct correlation. Of course, we should be free to reinvent ourselves. But perhaps the source of reinvention matters. Is the reinvention springing from a well we’ve dug that nourishes us or is it because we hit a rock and don’t believe. Does it come from faith or doubt? Mine have come from doubt.

Have I dug my last well? I doubt that, too. But perhaps it’s not about digging a new well, but about reconnecting with the goal.

Food for thought.